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https://api.follow.it - The bathroom workout is something I both started doing and started forgetting to do years ago. I mentioned it in a recent piece on how to stay fit during the COVID pandemic. The idea was to incorporate a bit of exercise into an activity that I already do multiple times a day: use the bathroom. Essentially, the routine goes like this:

Perform standard bodily evacuations.
Do 15 pushups.
Wash hands.

It’s very important to a) not get these steps out of order, or b) try to rush through the routine by performing multiple steps at the same time. Doing so may yield less than desirable results and could potentially result in a terrible mess.
My wife has recently decided to join me in doing the bathroom workouts (also NOT at the same time) by doing 10 squats every time she goes to the bath

https://clifhaley.me - Well, I guess I’ve been officially bitten by the “I’m going to collect vintage computers for no reason” bug after buying a Tandy TRS-80 Model 100 a couple of weeks ago. I’d hoped that purchase would have cleansed me of this pending addiction, but alas it only served to energize it. Now I must have all the vintage computers ever created by man or beast!! I just got my hands on my second vintage computer and this one has a special place in my heart, because it was the first computer I ever owned. I’m referring to the mighty Commodore Vic-20 endorsed by none other than Captain Frickin’ Kirk! I received my original Commodore Vic-20 as a Christmas present when I was around 8 or 9 years old. My 8 or 9 year old mind whirred with excitement when I ripped

https://www.clifhaley.me - Here’s a simple recipe we threw together while camping this past weekend called “Super Simple Campfire Chicken Hash” because that’s the type of top-notch culinary product branding you come up with after several beers. It’s made entirely with pre-packaged stuff so you need no real skills to make it. STUFF YOU NEED A can of […]
The post Super Simple Campfire Chicken Hash appeared first on Clif Haley.

https://clifhaley.me - This was originally published in an issue of the Austin-American Statesman newspaper’s XL Ent entertainment magazine on April 22, 1999! ##### In my opinion, 90 percent of the people who get hit by trains every year deserve to get hit by trains. I simply cannot conceive of any justifiable reason for someone to be hit by a train (unless, of course, you’ve just upset the Don of your specific Mafia by losing 200 pounds of Persian white heroin in a game of craps with a well-trained Great Dane on a nationally syndicated variety show like “The Wink Hendershot Monkeys Spinning Plates on Tall Poles to Lawrence Welk Hour”). But it seems that people are always getting run over by trains. Just take a look at these numbers: 4, 2, 31, 9. About every two weeks or so, you’ll turn

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https://clifhaley.me - It’s the last thing I ever expected to be, and probably won’t be again anytime soon, but here’s what happened… My buddy and screenplay writing partner Patrick Byrd is a professional photographer. He’s most recently been contracted by Roxor Eyewear to produce lifestyle photographs…basically, photos of people doing interesting things while wearing Roxor sunglasses, which are optimized for outdoor and sporting activities. So Patrick hired a few pro models for the gig and clicked off a few hundred shots. Roxor loved the images, but said for the next shoot – a water themed shoot – they wanted someone who looked more like a regular guy than a model. Patrick showed them a clip of some on-camera work I’d done for FramesDirect.com and they thou

https://api.follow.it - McDonald’s was founded at some point in the past by restaurateur brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald who had a vision to revolutionize the way people gained weight. In order to help their new brand catch on they knew they would need a captivating logo that was both easy to recognize and could be drawn by a chimpanzee. After consulting with many highly regarded “ad men” and paying thousands of dollars to top notch graphic designers and leading-edge branding professionals they settled on a logo that was both dynamic and yellow: a single golden arch. Upon seeing the design the brothers knew they’d found a winner and exclaimed excitedly, “We paid thousands of dollars for this?!”
Several years later, a traveling hula hoop salesman named Ray “Hamburgler” Crock happened to pop into McDonald’s for a bite. He was immediately impressed by the restaurant’s efficiency, quality, and low level of rat feces compared to other “burger joints” of the time (being the 40s or possibly the 50s). He knew what he had to do. After setting his remaining hula hoops on fire in the parking lot he introduced himself to the McDonald’s brothers and offered to help them turn their one little McDonald’s store into a global phenomenon that can’t be escaped no matter where you try to find some goddamn peace and quite on this planet. And this is exactly what he did after swindling them out of all their worldly possessions.
Eventually, McDonald’s became so successful that Ray Crock was able to afford another arch for the signs! In the future, as McDonald’s continues to grow, they plan on adding more arches meaning that in the next 50 years or so you might see a McDonald’s sign with upwards of 327 golden arches, which would certainly be a sight to see and would probably cause major interference with low flying air craft.
While almost all of McDonald’s “Golden Arches” signs these days contain two yellow arches, there are a few alternatives out there. Check them out below before Ray Crock gets wind of these renegades and forces them to fall in line!











The post Alternate McDonald’s Golden Arches Around the World (But Mostly in the United States) appeared first on Clif Haley.

https://www.clifhaley.me - Like you, my favorite food in the entire world is ramen (from the ancient Japanese word “ramen” meaning “more sodium per teaspoon than an entire livestock salt block”). Unfortunately, like almost every delicious thing humans actually enjoy eating, it is extremely unhealthy for you when consumed in its most popular form: pre-packaged block of ramen with a “flavor packet” of dehydrated broth dust and enough salt to tan several mammoth hides.   Good news for all you ramen loving folks* because I (e.g. my wife) have devised a way to make ramen kinda, sorta from scratch at home that is far healthier than the pre-packaged alternative which is known to sometimes cause heart attacks to occur in anyone standing within a three foot radius of a single pack. Also g

https://www.intergalacticbiz.com - Click to survive... [...]

https://www.intergalacticbiz.com - Click for our garbage... [...]

https://api.follow.it - To say their description of me under my photo in the newspaper back then was unflattering is to put it mildly:

His face was cursed by an ever-rupturing landscape of dire acne-ism; his cheeks slick with the discharge of pustules at all times.

This has nothing to do with the fact that I’d come in first place in the state high school ping-pong finals, which the article was actually about. The photo under which this caption is placed is of me proudly holding aloft my 1st place ribbon!
The headline had rather innocuously read:

Local High Schooler Wins 1st Place at State Ping-Pong Finals

And yet the very first line of the article is:

Tim Hawthorne (15), a malodorous local troglodyte, has thwarted its competition at a ping-pong tourney this past week’s end, despite suffering gravely from rectal scabies and head lice.

Lies! Does that seem fair to you? Even all these years later (I’m 48 now!) I find it hard to forget the cruelty of those words. And also these words from the very same opening paragraph:

His, parents, quite clearly drunk, were overjoyed to see their cognitively degraded genetic mistake prove victorious. They declined to be interviewed, however, citing an urgent need to “shoot meth into our eyeballs behind the Porta-Potties.”

None of this is true! My parents have not once done meth! They don’t even drink! And it goes on like this for 573 words on the front page of the newspaper, concluding with:

It should be noted, and hopefully appreciated, that it is indeed no small miracle this reporter was able to attend the sporting match considering her own son, Thad Stone (14) — who, himself, aspired to be on the ping-pong team — was unable to participate, having been displaced at tryouts by none other than the nit-infested Tim Hawthorne, who managed to win even while being covered with weeping lesions from countless sexually transmitted diseases.

I wish I could understand the reporter’s motive for maligning me so. I’ve reached out to the newspaper several times over the years, and no one there can ever provide me satisfactory answers. It shall, I suppose, remain a sad mystery forever.
The post appeared first on Clif Haley.

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https://api.follow.it - We recently spent two weeks in New York City. Here’s a bunch of pictures from the trip…



































The post New York City 2021 appeared first on Clif Haley.

https://clifhaley.me - I just got this Unzano FHD webcam and boy, oh boy, is it…well…watch the vid to find out! I also take you through a very thorough tour of my new mobile HQ! Unzano webcam: https://amzn.to/3gPtv3S

https://www.clifhaley.me - I met this great girl at the strip club the other night. She’s just like mom except for the stripping and the cocaine and bi-sexuality and the piercings and the mustache and the “big time debt” from the “operation” that she won’t tell me about. she gave me her phone number for ten bucks (what […]
The post Daily Journal: March 25, 2014 appeared first on Clif Haley.

https://api.follow.it - In a tree by a brook is where Thrimbal Scrumpwiffle the Forest Imp lived. He lived peacefully, unmolested by beasts or kingsmen. He lived happy days, catching tadpoles and water skimmers and, through very little effort, making friends of them all. Thrimbal, you see, was known by few, but beloved by almost all whom he encountered, for he was a simple soul who sought only friendship. But, if you were to cross Thrimbal, to disturb his generally mild but easily upset temper, he would become very angry. Very angry indeed. And this, I’m afraid, is where our story of Thrimbal begins.
“What the f**k did you just say to me?!” Thrimbal shouted. “Listen, you little punk b*tch, I’ve just about had it with your bullsh*t!”
Simpwhim took a nervous step back. “I-I’m sorry, Thrimbal. Please, f-forgive me. I am but a tiny Moss Gnome of the Gilded Swamps of — ”
“Shut your f**king face!” Thrimbal snapped, slicing through the air with his razor sharp dagger just inches from Simpwhim’s nose. “Now, I’ll ask you one last time. Was it you who trod upon my Brownie Flowers and Summermint Blossoms?!”
Simpwhim could feign innocence no more. Hanging his head, he whimpered, “Yes, Thrimbal. It was me. I didn’t admit it before because — ”
Thrimbal slapped the Moss Gnome swiftly across the face. “Because you’re a b*tch,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Now get the f**k off my property and tomorrow, before the noon hour, bring me a bushel of Toad Squash Gourds as recompense, or I’ll gut you.”
“Yes. Yes, I shall,” Simpwhim said, then darted away, leaving a faint aroma of the urine he’d besmirched his breeches with hanging in the air.
“Oh, Whisperton, what am I to do with my Brownie Flowers and Summermint Blossoms now?” Thrimbal said, turning to his dear Zephyr Fairy friend who now hovered by his head, having heard the commotion and come to investigate.
“Not know,” Whisperton the Zephyr Fairy squeaked. “Ruined they be.”
Thrimbal sighed. “Yes. I do suppose so. Let’s go befriend yon tadpoles and water skimmers!”
“Huzzah!” Wisperton piped, and off they bounded toward the Reedwood Pond, tadpole treats and water skimmer nectar in hand.
The following day Thrimbal was quite pleased to see that Simpwhim had brought not just one, but two, bushels of Toad Squash Gourds. “Oh, Simpwhim, you have pleased me so!” he shouted. “Your guts you shall most assuredly keep within you.”
And thus it was that young Thrimbal Scrumpwiffle the Forest Imp ended up with a total sh*tload of Toad Squash Gourds.
The post Thrimbal Scrumpwiffle and the Toad Squash Gourds appeared first on Clif Haley.

https://www.intergalacticbiz.com - Click to reveal the dentistry hoax. [...]

https://www.intergalacticbiz.com - As the death toll for COVID-19 rises across the world, a new study commissioned by the Intergalactic Business Report has found that the virus is more deadly than we first imagined. So deadly, in fact, that many patients are dying twice after contracting it. The full report, which is about four thousand and thirty-two pages, shows stunning new findings about the nature of the virus and will be available in the near future. We have excerpted the key details below:  A subset o [...]

https://clifhaley.me - I made an unnecessarily epic video of my son Levi’s first pandemic era haircut from home but a completely unqualified parental figure (e.g. Mom.) For anyone curious, I shot the thing on my old iPhone 6S Plus and edited it in Premiere Pro.

https://www.intergalacticbiz.com - Click to understand your own body. [...]